Essential Questions

Put it in Practice
Although discussion of discerning our lenses may sound like an academic exercise, it is only meaningful as it exists in the practice of individuals, families, and communities. As human beings, daily we have opportunities to question, to listen, to see through the eyes of others, and to reflect on our experiences. To the extent that we do, we will become aware of our perspective, and more attentive when we listen to others.

The Best Conversationalists
Those who best practice this are the best conversationalists. If you sit down for coffee with someone who doesn't listen, doesn't ask good questions, and isn't able to enter into the story that you tell over a cup of joe, are you going to look forward to the next coffee break? Or are you going to find your calendar surprisingly full around the times that they suggest getting together? Aren't the people that we long to spend time with those who listen well to us, and who have the ability to help us to see a situation or friend "with new eyes"?


The Most Virtuous
Those who best practice these traits are also characterized by an uncommon delight in what is good, true and beautiful. Gladys Hunt, writing on the role of literature in the family makes the bold claim that, "[P]arents who read widely together with their children are going to be those who most influence their children, who have the largest worldview, who have an uncommon delight in what is good and true and beautiful - and an uncommon commitment to it." The practice of reading widely helps a person to see through the eyes of gifted, articulate authors and illustrators. Far from being an intellectual witch hunt for one's own blind spots, it is the quest for beauty that invigorates, and perpetuates this practice.

Who do you know who puts these things into practice? Who asks the hard and good - and often unexpected - questions? Who are the people who are aware of their own assumptions and lenses? What other qualities do they possess?

What prompts reflection?
Dialogue, questioning and literature play complementary roles in prompting reflection. They help us to discern our lenses by listening to others, testing assumptions, and participating in another's perspective through a story.

Two kinds of reflection
There is a sense in which this reflection (thinking about things) is prompted by reflection (as in a mirror). Recently I had my two daughters on my lap to webcam with their grandparents via Skype. My five-year-old tried to explain to her grandfather, "The picture that you see is wrong. I'm on this knee, and Katherine is on the other." She said this because she expected the video window on the screen to function like a mirror - with her image on her left, and her sister's image on her right. But since the webcam is a camera and not a mirror, it presented instead the image from the perspective of the desk. Although Elisabeth was on my left knee and Katherine on my right knee, in the video Elisabeth was on the right side of the screen and Katherine on the left.

This confusing experience prompted a flurry of questions. "Why does it look like I'm on that side? Does a mirror really turn things backward? How can we tell if the video image is reversed or not? Do I look different from what I see in a mirror?" In this case, these questions were prompted by an image that my daughter took to be a reflection. The image prompted reflection in the form of questioning that made her far more aware of how she sees the world - and how there may be more to a thing than meets the eye.

Reflection guards us from blindspots
Without reflection, we naturally tend to assume that the way we see things is the way they really are. This isn't a fault; it is simply the nature of trusting our vision to render reality truly. The danger is that we assume that there aren't any distortions in our lenses. Listening to others, asking good questions, and seeing through the eyes of another in a story play two roles. They open the way to seeing that our perspective is not the only one, and that the practice of perceiving reality is refined by reflection. This is not the same as saying, "Everyone has a different perspective," and avoiding the hard work of looking more closely at reality. On the contrary, reflection prompts us to more deeply understand reality, knowing that we are seeing something and that we will see it more truly by considering other perspectives of that same something.

Seize opportunities to reflect
Using a webcam or looking in the mirror can be the occasion of discussing with your child the way we see the world. Each time you ask questions, engage in dialogue, or read a great children's book together, you are promoting the reflection that enables your child to see more clearly. In doing so you will help your child to look more carefully at the world around her, to be aware that things are not always what they seem at first. In the end, you'll both see more clearly.

Strategies for Seeing
In the course of her work as a pediatrician, my wife has daily opportunities to interact with people who see the world very differently. By listening well, asking good questions and perspective taking, she becomes more aware of different ways of seeing the world. Yet not everyone has this opportunity. Some communities and vocations are more heterogeneous than others. So how can parents and children learn to see through the eyes of others if most of the people they know see the world in similar ways?

Children's Literature
Children's literature provides an unparalleled context for perspective taking, shared experience, dialogue and learning. It is the very nature of literature that the reader or listener is guided by the author into a way of seeing. The words chosen and the images presented provide away of seeing a story, and a way of understanding the world. In The Tale of Despereaux, Lisa DiCamillo spins a tale of a mouse on a quest for honor and love. Readers find themselves looking at the world from four inches above ground level. When we read Despereaux aloud as a family, it provided a shared experience of a tale of honor, bravery and perseverance. That experience, in turn, sparked many questions. Why did this character do that? Why was another character so callous? How did this action affect the others? These experiences and conversations shaped the way that we understand the world – and our ability to see through the eyes of others.


Stories help us to see our own faults . . . in others
Stories also create a less threatening context in which we can begin to see our own faults, and begin to change. When I lived in northwest Uganda, there was a brilliant story-teller named Isaac Yikee. He had a half-hour program on the local radio station that aired once a week. Since the radio was virtually the only transmission medium at the time (there were no landlines or mobile phones, no power grid on which to run computers, and paper mail only arrived once a week), it played a central role in the life of the society. 

As time went on, I found that Isaac's radio broadcast was one of the highlights of this community's week. Isaac had the extraordinary ability to tell stories in which he made fun of foolish and destructive practices such that his listeners (who very likely did those very things) were roaring with laughter. In one episode he made fun of a common cultural practices of using one container of water to cleanse oneself at the latrine (in place of toilet paper, which was relatively costly and scarce) and then using the same container to wash one's hands before eating. Those who listened laughed heartily at the foolishness of someone else who would do such a thing, and then very quickly began using separate containers for cleansing and hand washing so as not to be that foolish person. The story created the context in which they could change, and indeed wanted to change. 

Children's literature offers a truly unique way for children and adults to see themselves, and others, with new eyes - eyes that are ready to change.