It is impossible to have meaningful dialogue without asking good questions. If the father in the marmalade parable had not persevered in asking why each of the boys wanted the orange, he would have arrived at a shallow understanding and an unsatisfactory solution. When thinking about the way we see the world, there are some questions that are more helpful than others. Some questions get us to the point more quickly, and those are the questions that expose our assumptions.
Helpful Questions
Andy Crouch, in his book Culture Making, tenders five questions for understanding things that people make, the things we call “cultural goods.” Those questions are tremendously helpful in exposing assumptions:
- What does this assume about the way the world is?
- What does this assume about the way the world ought to be?
- What does this make possible?
- What does this make impossible (or at least very difficult)?
- And, what new cultural goods does this make possible?
A Case Study
Let's take Andy's own book as an illustrative example. Before reading it, I didn't have those five questions in my “toolbox” to make sense of my experiences. Day in and day out I participate in cultural creation, from brewing a pot of coffee in the morning to writing these words. Yet I rarely thought about what these many experiences assumed about the world. Andy's book, and in particular his five questions, assume that human existence and cultural creation are deeply meaningful, and that people ought to be reflective and responsible in the ways that they create, consume, copy and critique cultural goods. Andy's questions have made it possible for me to see my ways of seeing the world of which I was previously unaware because his questions exposed my assumptions. They made me conscious of the contours of my lens – and more deeply aware of the helpfulness of “lenses” as a meaningful way to describe and make sense of human development.
Asking Questions with Your Children
Children are constantly asking questions. Sometimes their questions are verbal and articulate. Other times, they are implicit and veiled. Encouraging children to ask good questions will serve them well in every area of life. When I say good questions, I mean those questions that uncover something. If I ask you, "What is the first letter in this sentence?" you could correctly answer, "I." But the question doesn't make manifest something that is not visible at the surface. A question like, "What does the No Child Left Behind Policy assume about the way the world is and ought to be?" is a very good question. If it is answered honestly and thoughtfully, it helps us to see more clearly. Asking your child a simple question like, "Why do you think I asked you not to do that?" is crucial on two levels. First, it is meaningful communication. By your question, you are uncovering the way your child perceives your directive. Second, it is instructive communication. I provides the opportunity for you to clarify: This is what I meant to communicate when I asked you not to do that.
What are the questions that help you communicate with your child? What questions help them make sense of the world around them? How does a family habit of asking penetrating questions shape a family culture?
