How much do fathers matter?
The presence and participation of a father provides social and economic stability that affects virtually every area of a child's life.
While many single parent moms do heroic work parenting their children and while some children manage to excel under the challenges of father absence, it has become clear from numerous studies that the fastest road to both economic and social poverty in this country is for a man to voluntarily leave his children, either before marriage or after. (Life Coaches)In terms of economic poverty, the statistics are staggering:
In 1996, young children living with unmarried mothers were five times as likely to be poor and ten times as likely to be extremely poor. Source: "One in Four: America's Youngest Poor."National Center for children in Poverty. 1996.Other forms of social poverty are also linked to the presence and participation of fathers.
The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families. Source: A. Anne Hill, June O'Neill, "Underclass Behaviors in the United States," CUNY, Baruch College. 1993.Academic achievement, which is a critical predictor of future social opportunity, also comes under the sway of fathers.
Relationship MattersChildren from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes. Source: "One-Parent Families and Their Children;" Charles F. Kettering Foundation (1990).
While these and similar statistics are impressive and sobering, it is the relationship that fathers have with their children that matters. Fathers bear responsibility, with mothers, for teaching their children what is good, true and beautiful in the world. By their words and actions, they influence the way their children see the world. When fathers abdicate or abandon, their children learn that relationships are fragile and transient. When fathers are present and participate, children learn that relationships matter, and that healthy relationships require commitment, patience and perseverance.
The question is not whether or not fathers teach. The question is rather what they teach their children by their presence or absence, by their abdication or participation. Father's Day is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate fatherhood, and to encourage fathers to invest in relationship, persevere through difficulty, and cherish their children.
Statistics often are misleading, this article does not mean to me that every kid of a single mother will grow to become a criminal or that it will fail in life. Many mothers I know have the misfortune (and sometimes the luck) of not having a husband, but what about those fathers who are alcoholic, drug-addicts, or who simply don't care? Those mothers are alone too.
But perhaps more intriguing for me is the fact that being a father, I feel a strong commitment to my son to be there for him. I remember I once said to my wife that if the price for me to pay to stay with my son was to endure his personality then fine. I could make a commitment if she was willing to participate with me, I told her that for my son I would go to hell and return, and if I can do that I can certainly make a marriage work. So, if we're in this together, we might as well try and make a nice life out of it for our son's sake.
Because kids are not stupid, and they can tell when you are being a hypocrite, I want to be there for my son, but I want to be there in body and sould. I don't want to be just another faceless man behind a newspaper. I want to be there for when he grows up, I want to be there for his first day of highschool, but above all, I want to make sure he knows all the time how much I love him and how much he means to me. And that that doesn't have anything to do with me loving his mom or not. We both love him and we both want what's best for him.
By the way, I do love my wife, but she can stop being my wife someday, my son? He will never stop being that. And she and I know that.
So, being a father is pretty much about love and how much of it are you willing to offer to your son.
— by joshmedici on June 29, 2009