Essential Questions

Kristina Sauerwein of the Momformation blog on Baby Center celebrated the recent trend in bad parenting with her own confessions there. She revels in the shift toward parents divulging their feelings and actions that don't measure up to social expectations. She seems truly excited that outlets like Salon are facilitating this shift in public discourse. New media, including anonymous confession sites, offer the opportunity for parents to publicly - yet anonymously - spill their garbage.

Where does the 'bad parent' trend come from?
How is it that it is suddenly 'chic' to be a bad parent? Sauerwein argues that at every turn there are PhDs and MDs telling moms what to do, ready to chide them if they don't follow the latest research in child-rearing. She questions whether there is anyone in society more scrutinized that mothers. Amidst all this pressure and scrutiny, parents (and moms in particular) are rebelling - both by doing things that are often considered taboo, and by publishing and celebrating them.

What feelings underlie the 'bad parent' trend?
Even a peripheral reading of Sauerwein or any of the 'bad parents' reveals a revulsion at pretensious parents. In Fortunately its Chic to be a Bad Mom Sauerwein recounts her delight "at the major meltdown and bad behavior of the oh-so-perfect daughter of my holier-than-thou mom friend." She candidly admits, without regret, lying to her kids.

If I'm not mistaken, there are two deeply intertwined sentiments that flow through the 'bad parent' literature. The first is scorn for pretension, despising parents who set themselves up as holier-than-thou. The other is a longing not to have to hide one's own failures, the needs to keep up appearances. In the 'bad parent' trend, parents see an opportunity to dethrone their holier-than-thou friends and come clean on their own failures.

Is everyone allowed to revel in being "bad"?
A helpful way to understand the trend is to examine what would happen if others in society were permitted the same level of self-disclosure. For example, if your mechanic had a blog called "bad mechanic" where he celebrated his foibles, you might find an entry like this: "This morning I was replacing the brake pads on a minivan. Three of them were easy, but I get the fourth back on, so I just left it empty, without a brake pad. They'll never know!" Or consider an entry on the "bad butcher" blog: "Today when I was chopping steaks to put out on display, I sneezed - the biggest sneeze I've ever sneezed. It hit everything! I didn't want to throw it all out, so I packaged up the steaks and put them on the shelf. Considering all the germs in the world, mine aren't likely to hurt anyone."

Perhaps the most helpful example would be to consider the vein of "bad nanny" blogs. Do you see a confession trend on the horizon where nannies and caregivers publicly celebrate being bad? If you had a nanny who regularly didn't change the diapers of your child because she didn't like to deal with a squirming kid, or who delighted when one of your children hit the other because it showed that the one wasn't so perfect after all, how would you feel? Or what if she decided that parking the kids in front of the television for four hours a day was simply essential for her sanity? What if your nanny kept a public blog where she celebrated her freedom to be a "bad nanny." How long would you keep her in your employ?

I can hear some in the 'bad parent' camp objecting that the mechanic and butcher analogies are bad, because the things that parents are confessing don't really make them bad parents. In order to evaluate that claim, there must be a shared understanding of what constitutes good parenting - which deserves a separate article.